Colbert humiliates Trump over Kennedy Center debacle

Top Stories for January 7:

Stephen Colbert gleefully mocks Trump’s record-setting low Kennedy Center Honors ratings
While everyone has been understandably preoccupied with the news coming out of South America, a different disaster has been unfolding in Washington, DC…at the Kennedy Center, which can no longer attract artists or viewers since Trump’s obnoxious takeover and pathetic rebranding. Stephen Colbert gleefully tore into the vainglorious nincompoop-in-chief and poured mounds of salt in the wound with last night’s monologue. “The president managed to draw only 3 million viewers on CBS. Now, it is beneath me to gloat,” joked Colbert. “But if it weren’t beneath me, I’d call him no-talent, low-rated Donald Trump. I got to say…I see why he says that. That felt good. Then again, maybe we should cut the guy some slack. After all, it was just his first year hosting. As a former Kennedy Center host myself, I know it can take a while to build an audience. What were my ratings my first year? 9.25 million viewers. 9.25 million viewers. Wow.” Does this matter in the big scheme of things? Usually, no…but it matters VERY much to Trump, who sees his ratings as a personal marker of his popularity, prestige, and power, and you just know this must be making him MISERABLE.

VIDEO OF THE DAY: Trump makes striking confession in aftermath of Venezuela invasion
While America’s wannabe dictator had clearly been planning to violently overthrow Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro for months, yesterday’s off-the-cuff confession is still an eye-popper. Speaking to reporters about the weekend invasion, Trump all but admitted that the Venezuelan dictator’s apparent mockery of his ridiculous dance moves irked him to no end, and The New York Times reported that “Maduro’s regular public dancing and other displays of nonchalance” helped persuade the administration that he was essentially calling the United States’ bluff on regime change. That a foreign leader’s mockery of the president’s incredibly dumb dance move would play any part in the audacious, highly illegal, and destabilizing invasion of a sovereign nation is utterly mad, and yet, here we are.

Take Action: Demand Congress stop Trump’s illegal war!

Iowa mechanic fights to put a spine back in the Senate
Nathan Sage: The GOP Senate’s utter refusal to do ANYTHING to stop Trump from trampling our rights and the rule of law makes it clear we need to put a spine back in Washington. That’s why mechanic, Marine veteran, and local Iowa sports host Nathan Sage is running to unseat Trump-enabler Joni Ernst, fight for the needs of working-class Americans, and be the bulwark against the tides of fascism unleashed by Trump and his cronies. Will you chip in to help jump-start his campaign?

January 6 insurrectionists take a victory lap on 5th anniversary of attack
Having had their proverbial slates wiped clean by their imbecile-in-chief instigator, several hundred pardoned January 6 rioters gathered at the US Capitol yesterday to commemorate their failed attempt to violently overthrow democracy at an event called — we are not making this up — The Ashli Babbitt 5 Year Memorial March. The gathering — organized by Proud Boys leader Enrique Tarrio, who was tried, charged, and pardoned for seditious conspiracy — wasn’t just a victory lap. It was a spiritual homecoming reunion, a celebration of new life and vindication for J6ers who literally are casting their self-inflicted plight as downright biblical. “We won, man … They tortured us for years, solitary confinement for years,” said Proud Boy Jon Mellis, who was jailed and later pardoned for assaulting law enforcement. “Now I’m living in West Hollywood and dating a Playboy Playmate. Hey, man, my life is pretty good,” Mellis continued. “We’re getting naked models in hot tubs every weekend. So what am I complaining for?” Mellis, who called the Proud Boys “the greatest fraternity the world has ever seen,” later grabbed the microphone and yelled, “Blow up the fentanyl boats, leave the cocaine alone!!!” Not quite as eloquent or timeless as Patrick Henry’s “Give me liberty, or give me death!” rallying cry, but a true and worthy patriot by any other measure, right?

Take Action: Stand with Sen. Kelly against Pete Hegseth’s obnoxious attacks!

White House says using US military is “always an option” for acquiring Greenland
Exactly none of this is normal. And, for the record, any such belligerent action by the United States against a founding member of NATO would upend more than 75 years of geopolitical world order and serve as a giant green light for China and Russia to simply move on any number of long-standing territorial disputes of their own. Taiwan? The South China Sea? Ukraine? Georgia? The Baltics? Literally any destabilizing scenario ends up on the table should Donald Trump continue his imperialistic march into the abyss.

Take Action: Take action to protect our Social Security offices!

An AI-generated police report claimed a cop transformed into a frog during a routine traffic stop in Utah
Look, let’s not, uh, jump to conclusions here. Sure, the Herber Police Department’s explanation — that their AI system mistakenly folded in dialogue from the Disney movie “The Princess and the Frog” into a police report because the movie was playing in the background as an officer’s body camera was recording — certainly sounds plausible, but everyone knows there’s no substitute for good, old-fashioned police work. A full investigation is clearly merited here. Who’s to say the officer in question isn’t a shape-shifter, of royal bloodlines, and/or under the curse of a villainous doctor? Anyway, speaking of artificial intelligence…

Leading AI expert delays timeline for its possible destruction of humanity
Good news, everyone! Our impending collective doom at the hands of AI-driven superintelligence appears to have hit a few snags and probably won’t happen for at least a few more years, according to former OpenAI employee and artificial intelligence expert Daniel Kokotajlo. Kokataljo sparked an energetic debate last April by releasing the innocuously titled “AI 2027,” a scenario that envisions unchecked AI development leading to the creation of a superintelligence, which — after outfoxing world leaders (let’s be honest, probably not that difficult) — destroys all of humanity to make way for more solar panel farms and super data centers. Kokotajlo now thinks pinpointing 2027 as the point of no return was perhaps a little premature and suggests AI might not be able to code autonomously until the mid-2030s, at which point the unalterable march to ultimately destroy humanity would apparently begin. Party on, Wayne!

Proven winner Mallory McMorrow launches bid to protect VITAL battleground Senate seat
Mallory McMorrow for Senate: Progressive champion Mallory McMorrow gained national attention with her viral speech defending LGBTQ rights in the Michigan state Senate, and now she’s running to pick up the torch from retiring Senator Gary Peters. McMorrow has a proven history-making track record, having helped flip the Michigan Senate for the first time since the 80s and winning a blue trifecta. Now she’s ready to defeat MAGA extremist Mike Rogers and flip the US Senate blue. Will you chip in to jump-start her campaign?

Megyn Kelly says tuning into Fox News these days is “like watching Russian propaganda” with all the Trump “cheerleading”
Uh, we have news for you, Megyn. It was like that when you worked there, too. Pretty sure they still have your pom poms in storage somewhere. But we get your point.

Katie Miller boasts her child “is not vaccinated at all”: “I could put dirt in his mouth and he will not get ill”
Someone should seriously consider requesting welfare check at the Miller household. Good grief.

Professor fired for anodyne Charlie Kirk post gets $500,000 from school, is reinstated
Darren Michael, an associate professor at Austin Peay State University, has reportedly been reinstated and given $500,000 after being unceremoniously fired over shockingly anodyne posts about assassinated conservative provocateur Charlie Kirk. Michael was fired on Sept. 12 (two days after the assassination of Kirk) after social media posts about the radical, right-wing hatemonger spread far and wide on social media. Michael’s unforgivable thought crime? Literally sharing an article quoting Kirk in 2023 saying: “I think it’s worth to have a cost of, unfortunately, some gun deaths every single year so that we can have the Second Amendment to protect our other God-given rights.” Class is back in session, folks. And probably not without a shiny new pair of kicks to boot!

Lindsey Graham tells Iranian leader, “Trump is gonna kill you”
The Maduro raid has hit Lindsey Graham like a double-dose of War Viagra. He’s threatening Iran, he’s threatening Cuba, and he’s having the time of his life dreaming of murdered brown people. It’s truly sickening to see just how obsessed these doughy, rich, old, white men are with destabilizing countries that are home to tens of millions of people just to live out their obscene, neocon fantasies.